I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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