she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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