Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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