I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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