you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize