it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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