I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize