I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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