omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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