BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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