My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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