After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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