Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize