Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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