I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize