i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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