a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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