we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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