I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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