i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
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my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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