Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize