Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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