It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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