He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
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So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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