I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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