New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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