the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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