Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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