i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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