I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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