can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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