just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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