you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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