I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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