I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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