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Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
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