The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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