And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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