god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize