hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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