I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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