Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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