dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize