I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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