my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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