i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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