how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You left your phone here
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