I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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