So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
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It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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