At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize